Rules of The Avengers
by NoCreativityHere
Summary: Walking around naked... Interrupting interrogation sessions... Kidnapping... Why would anyone think these are good ideas, especially with the Avengers? Oh wait, that's right. Because they're crazy.
1. Chapter 1

Rules of The Avengers

**AN: Hey guys! Well, here's the new story. I wish I could've gotten this chapter to you all sooner, but some major complications with my health came up, and well… That has to come first. I don't want to bore you all with details as to what happened, but the term 'fighting for my life' (or at least a longer one) is pretty accurate here. As I'm publishing this story, I'm about to head into surgery, so wish me luck, and I hope you like it!**

CH 1

Steve and Thor do not appreciate the sexually explicit graphic novels you leave in their floors (Tony). While the shade of brick red that Steve turns when he flips through them, thinking they're regular comics is very interesting, it's also not very healthy. And while Thor may not mind, Jane doesn't like seeing books with naked men and women laying around her star charts.

Do NOT, under any circumstances, suggest that Pepper, Natasha, and Jane wrestle naked to see who comes out on top. Furthermore, do not place bets on who would win! Whoever posted that online likely met a very, _very_ painful demise. All three women are very beautiful and EXTREMELY terrifying when they're angry. While Jane and Pepper are generally kind and pleasant, Natasha will always be the scariest member of the Avengers, no matter her mood. Not to mention their angry and offended boyfriends. Getting shot by arrows while being simultaneously electrocuted and curb stomped is not a great way to spend your day.

Don't challenge Hulk to an eating contest (Thor). And after the demigod and monster eat everything, don't sarcastically suggest they eat the kitchen too (Tony). While Thor may FINALLY understand sarcasm, Hulk usually doesn't pay full attention to the sound of your voice, especially when there's food involved. The Hulk always wins the contest (who knew eating granite countertops was a thing?) and Bruce will regret it in the morning, like a bad hangover. And an angry Bruce, is a very BAD thing.

When Natasha says to avoid her room, AVOID HER ROOM. Or better yet, avoid the whole floor entirely, and ignore any high pitched screams you hear. It doesn't matter how concerned you are that she hasn't come out of there (Steve), and she does not require sustenance at this time (Thor). And if by some MIRACULOUS feat of stupidity and good luck, you see what's inside, do NOT scream like a girl and pass out (Tony). When she sees you there (And she _will_), whatever is happening to the person she is interrogating will be nothing compared to what she'll do to you.

Do NOT attempt to kidnap any of the Avengers or anyone personally acquainted with them. Why is this even a rule? It should be _beyond_ obvious, but the crazed fan who actually managed to get close enough on a dark night out to use sleeping gas on them, has lived to regret it. She wanted to keep them with her forever and is now babbling away in a dark padded cell. Tony and Thor weren't happy when she tried killing Pepper and Jane. Needless to say, no amount of therapy will undo what they have done to her.

Avoid attempting to kidnap Loki as well. While Clint may be able to laugh at the irony of it all, two angry demigods is a terrible, TERRIBLE situation. Also, Loki needed some MAJOR therapy after 3 fans tried to sleep with him at once. And Thor needed therapy after they attempted to make him join them during his… Valiant rescue. (No Thor, after storming down to the basement where your brother is being held captive, your first words shouldn't be, "Brother, how did they manage to sedate you? And why on Earth are you wearing the outfit of a Midgardian stripper?")

Walking around naked at the tower is not acceptable (Thor), and telling him that it's an essential part of Midgardian culture is even less okay (Tony and Clint). And walking around naked for the day to disprove any (justified) doubts is not acceptable in ANY circumstance. Why would you even do that? Just… _Why?_ While Jane, Pepper, and Natasha may secretly appreciate it, Steve and Bruce do not. Like, they _REALLY _don't. Jumping down from the air ducts while naked (Clint) scares Steve, and makes his face that really unhealthy shade of red. At least Tony and Thor just walk around like regular… People.

**Yayy! First chapter done! So, I'll try to make each chapter around 7- 10 rules or so, but I definitely need some ideas. So please, any ideas you have will give me some inspiration, because I know these aren't all that funny. Updates won't be super frequent, but I'm trying to hope that this surgery will put an end to my medical problems. After that, I'm moving to Texas so the medical issues will be easier to resolve… So, there's that. But after all that, I'll try to make updates at least once a month, while updating His Second Family. Thank you guys! I love you!**


	2. Chapter 2

CH. 2

**I feel like you guys are sick of hearing all my excuses, and I'm so sorry about that. On the bright side, I've actually recovered completely! There was a scary bout of pneumonia not long ago that was a problem, but now I'm all better, and I'm working on Fenrir's part II!**

Do not suggest that Loki needs therapy to reconcile with Thor (Tony). Thor will actually try to convince Loki to go with him, and then Loki gets angry. An angry Loki means that insane things will happen to the poor New Yorkers, which always leads to a fight and gives Bruce a headache in the morning.

DO NOT give Bruce a headache. Nobody wants to see the calmest and generally the nicest Avenger spitting curses that make even Natasha pause. (No Clint, don't make Thor translate if he looks disturbed. The Allspeak isn't always a great thing.)

Don't force Loki and Thor into a room together and play movies in there (Tony and Clint). The first few are fine, but after Lion King and Titanic are done, there's an unhealthy amount of sobbing and eye wiping (No Clint, just because Loki's crying more than Thor does not give you the right to put the video on Youtube). Granted there's usually less fights after this, and Thor is generally a little happier afterwards, so it's not a terrible idea on occasion.

Don't ask if Clint and Natasha are dating (Tony). Really, why would you even bother? They'll both give you a blank look and then Natasha will smile that scary smile that makes you pray that you wake up in the morning. Things get a little awkward after that because the spies sit farther apart and talk less.

Thor doesn't get to bring Asgardian mead to parties. Even Steve got a little tipsy after a few mugs, and the others almost died of alcohol poisoning. It _was _the most interesting game of truth or dare though. Jarvis deleted all the footage of Bruce's animal impressions, and they were _very_ good.

Nobody bribe Loki to shapeshift into them just to get out of press conferences. The bribes are unreasonable (No Tony, you can't give him the heart of any creature you're unsure actually exists, no matter what Thor tells you. And Thor, saying that Loki can only turn the sky strange colors is not an excuse.) The results are even worse.

Loki doesn't get to humiliate the Avengers by shapeshifting into one (No Loki, saying that they bribed you doesn't help). He always tells the press a few lies that nobody manages to forget. (No, Steve doesn't actually wish that his suit was even tighter and more sparkly). Fury gets a headache trying to fix the mess that is only alleviated by yelling at the Avengers. Loudly… With _extreme_ prejudice.

**7 rules again, and I understand that it's really short. Sorry about that, but there's a lot of schoolwork to catch up with if I don't want to be behind by a full school year. I really want to graduate with the rest of my class, so there's a lot of work… Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

CH. 3

**Hey, I've updated in less than a year! I know I should be working on Fenrir's part II, but I honestly ran out of inspiration for him right now. Any suggestions? In the meanwhile, enjoy another chapter of rules!**

Don't let the Avengers get drunk and play poker. It always turns into strip poker, and Fury doesn't like showing up in the morning to find the Avengers unconscious in their underwear while Natasha just sits and smirks. Tony always has to pay her to prevent the photos from getting on the fan websites.

Don't let the Avengers access the fan sites. Thor starts asking what all the ship names mean, and Clint is just too happy to explain them to him, which leads to Clint running away from an angry Thor after Thorki. (Yes Thor, we understand that you need to defend your and Loki's honor, and that Clint deserves what he's getting. But please stop strangling him...)

Tony doesn't get to mess around with Thor and Natasha's hair. Normal hair dyes don't even work with Thor, but that's not an excuse to try cutting and twisting it without permission. Natasha will MURDER you if you touch her hair. (Yes, Thor has magical hair Tony, stop asking) Nobody wants to see Tony's hair after those two get their hands on him.

DO NOT interrupt Bruce's meditation time. Loki is still traumatized by how angry Dr. Banner can be without the Hulk. And Bruce is still upset over having to buy a new rug because the bloodstains wouldn't come out... So much blood...

Fury may or may not appreciate Father's Day gifts. No one knows for sure... But if Clint and Tony want to get the man something nice for once, Steve and Natasha MUST check their gifts for traps. Two years ago, it was a whoopie cushion and a small computer virus. Last year, it was a tie. No knows that Fury actually kept the tie. Who knows? Maybe this year will be different...

Do not put Tony and Loki in the same room together. Loki and Clint don't do anything other than sit awkwardly. But Tony and Loki are terrifying together. New York, nay, the whole world has suffered due to their pranks. Basically, Thor and Bruce get massive headaches and cause as much collateral damage as possible to get revenge. (Really Tony? You had to tell Loki about every juvenille Earth prank you could think of? Didn't Thor already go through this once? Loki, you were just asking for it when you turned Bruce's hair purple. Again.)

No one bothers Loki on the day of Frigga's death anniversary. No pranks, no fights, nothing. No one comments if a tear stained Loki and Thor are seen going in and out of Thor's room. NO one asks why Thor doesn't mourn her in Asgard. The brothers have their own ceremony on Earth, and no one interferes with the hundreds of glowing spheres of light that intermingle with lighting in the night. They can listen to the New Yorkers comment on the beauty of the spectacle, but no one says a word about it to Thor and Loki.

**(I'm actually thinking about making a full chapter about this...)**

**So, seven rules again. I need more ideas- Well I need to actually start writing them down when I think of something. Please review, and suggest some activities for Fenrir and the Avengers to do together. I have an idea for the ending, but I need a middle before the end :D. Thank you for reading!**


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